A Time Between Worlds

My Story

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been deeply attuned to the connections between humans, animals, and the natural world. In some of my earliest memories, I can recall having visceral reactions to destruction and suffering, even when presented in fictional stories like Charlotte’s Web and Fern Gully.

I was identified as “Gifted” around age 8, and for much of my life, I thought this “Giftedness” might explain why I never felt like I belonged within our modern day systems. It’s interesting, and maybe even hopeful for other “weirdos” out there, that the traits that made me feel alien as a child are the driving force behind my success as an adult. As a divergent, meta-thinker, I often see nuance and patterns that others cannot see, with an unmatched intensity and stamina for staying with complex and ambiguous problems. When I take interest in and commit to something, I am absolutely all in.

When applied in the right setting, these traits have been invaluable. I’ve played a key role in taking four startups from being a vague concept to being fully operational, thriving companies — a journey filled with an endless stream of novel problems to solve, which is truly a generalist’s dream.

But in the absence of a meaningful purpose, it is a short road to burnout. As I climbed the corporate ladder, I was simultaneously becoming more aware of the ecological and societal problems associated with some of the global brands I was working with. At that time, there was very little focus on sustainability and ethical operations, with virtually no accountability for corporations behaving badly. Naturally, as I became more aware of this, I also became aware of how my work helped perpetuate those issues. But, it was taboo to talk about, so I didn’t.

For many years, I kept my thoughts to myself and accepted that the ethical compromises were necessary. I had bills to pay and needed the financial stability to do so. I focused on the silver linings, such as the value I was providing for my team, the jobs these organizations created, and my ability to invest portions of my money into organizations working in the areas I cared about. I knew something was fundamentally wrong with that operating model, but it seemed par for the course with modern day business.

I eventually learned there’s truth to that. The vast majority of people are good people and don’t wake up wanting to kill whales (cows, trees, oceans, etc.). It’s not that they hate whales or even feel okay with harming them. The issue is that the whale is worth more dead than alive within our current economic system, and people feel trapped because they don’t know another way to feed their families.

We see this occurring everywhere throughout our society. Most people know at least somewhere deep down that destroying the Amazon Rainforest and keeping billions of animals in factory farms aren’t ethical or sustainable behaviors, but many jobs and modern conveniences rely on us ignoring our conscience.

I wasn’t killing whales, but I was in fact exchanging days of my life and pouring all of my vitality into feeding a system that was in direct conflict with virtually everything that I felt to be right and true about our purpose for existing.

As I became more aware of the growing conflict between my work and my values, I hit a point where I simply couldn’t stay on that path any longer. I didn’t know what I would do next but I felt in the depth of my soul that there must be a better, more values aligned way to live the rest of my life.

So, I made what felt like a completely unhinged decision to walk away from the peak of my career at the time. People thought I was crazy and there were many moments when I questioned my own sanity. It was one of the most terrifying decisions I’ve ever made and it came with serious consequences to my ego, finances, and career. But there were also serious consequences to staying and, thankfully, I was in a financial position to have a choice.

After going back to college, trying on several majors, and starting to learn about the metacrisis, I realized that the issues I was trying to get away from were present in every industry, albeit in different forms. These weren’t just business issues I was observing, they were much more fundamental issues with our operating basis as a society.

I also realized I didn’t want to change careers. I liked my work and genuinely believed it could be impactful in the right context. But applying my work in the right context made all the difference. It wasn’t enough to just make money anymore. I needed to really believe in what I was working toward and know that my work was a net positive for humanity. Eventually, I returned to the startup community, but this time with greater awareness and intention about the organizations I would choose to work with.

In 2020, I moved from San Diego to a quiet “Old Florida” suburb, not realizing at the time how big of a role this would play in my awakening. San Diego was beautiful in its own way, but the density of the city had started to make me feel constantly agitated and claustrophobic. After arriving to my new home in Florida, I felt an immediate and drastic change in my nervous system. The spaciousness, smell of fresh pine, and sound of songbirds was absolutely intoxicating, and woke something inside of me that I had been totally disconnected from while living in the city.

My heart broke as my quaint little nature-centric town became one of the fastest growing cities in the United States. Knowing that overdevelopment is happening “somewhere out there” is completely different than witnessing it first hand. It was deeply distressing to watch huge swaths of ancient ecosystems be burnt to the ground, leaving countless animals struggling to survive in the remaining fragments of uninhabitable forest.

Feeling powerless but determined to sooth the distress I was feeling, I started building pollinator gardens on my property. I could write an entire book about the ways in which gardening opened my mind and heart, but suffice it to say that it profoundly changed the connection I feel with the world around me. I went from feeling like a bystander to all of the bad things happening “out there”, to becoming an active participant in regenerating my little piece of the planet.

Somewhere along this journey, I realized that there is a place for me and people like me in the business world. And not only is there a place for us but, now more than ever, we desperately need heart-centered, ecologically-attuned, divergent-thinking leaders at the helm who can help facilitate this transition from ‘business as usual’ to business as a tool for supporting the flourishing of life.

Despite the enormous challenges and uncertainty we face, I wake up every day deeply grateful for the privilege of being alive during this time. I don’t take that lightly, and I believe this shows in the intensity and enthusiasm with which I live my life. I’m up before the sun each day, determined to make the most of the precious time I have left. I am absolutely in love with life and refuse to waste it by playing the victim or passively “going with the flow” of things I know are harmful to life on this planet.

My life’s work is dedicated to building this momentum in my little corner of the world. That is the purpose of this site and the work I do with organizational leaders who, for better or worse, hold significant influence in shaping our future.